I&#39;m A Darker Dream That Has No Ending

Considering that Phoebe was getting more and more anxious from the small bits of information, she might start trying to shake it out of him.

"Anders? What happened?"

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Sam knew that look, and he wasn't in much shape to resist.

"Couldn't sleep, the music was keeping me up," he said haltingly. "Got up, went out, started wandering . . . ended up in the shop for some reason. There was this . . . little carved statue, sorta like the altar figures back in the Colonies. Picked it up, and I saw this --"

He snorted. "Saying I saw my life flash before my eyes is so cliché, but swear to gods that's what it was. Or . . . what it would've been. If I wasn't here."

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"What kind of life?" Cole said. "What happened?"

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Phoebe looked from Anders to Cole and there was definitely concern in her eyes. The spell bond plus her empathy was letting her know that whatever Anders had seen, it hadn't been good.

"Sweetie? What did you see?"

No, she wasn't near flail mode again... really.

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"She wasn't that crazy," Sam muttered. "That stuff did happen like she said. And like those dreams I used to have. Being on Caprica when the bombs hit, marrying Kara . . . executing people in secret . . . finding out I'm a Cylon . . . they were gonna kill me . . ."

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"You're not a Cylon," Cole insisted. "You're not evil. I would know. I'd sense it."

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"You are one of the least evil people I have ever met, Anders. I don't care what Cally said, she was nuts and you are not evil!" Something he said caught up to her and she paled. "Kill... kill you?"

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"Yeah. Gonna kill me for bein' a Cylon. 's the last thing I remember, being about to get airlocked." Sam raised his head and looked at them, his eyes almost freakishly intense. "When have I ever gotten sick? Have you ever known me to have so much as a cold?"

Edited Date: 2008-06-20 04:50 pm (UTC)

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"You've been sick," Cole said, reaching out a hand and resting it on Sam's shoulder. "Hung over. I've seen it. And nobody's going to kill you, because they'd have to get through us first, and that's not going to happen."

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Phoebe nodded, leaning against Cole and taking one of Anders's hands.

"You've been ill, Anders, we've seen you. Remember that plague that swept through Fandom your senior year? It made you sick." She swallowed hard. "And no one is going to hurt you or kill you." Her voice hardened. "They don't dare try anything like that. They'll be sorry."

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"That was magical," Sam argued. "And even then, it came and went . . . I was sicker than hell one minute and then fine the next. I'm not worried about people killing me for it here . . . not so much . . . but now I think I know why those blood tests they did on me when the steroid accusations came out were so weird."

He ran a hand through his hair and looked at them sadly. "I'm sorry, but I think there's too much evidence. Dean thinks he saw me go funny after an electromagnetic pulse once. When you were crazy and attacked me, Cole . . . doctor said I shouldn't have survived. Teammates said I was stronger'n I should be . . . I've always had more stamina than the rest of my team . . . hell, it's been years since my family back home even seemed real to me, or contacted me, or anything."

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"Okay, say you're a Cylon," Cole said. "So what? You're still Sam. I don't care if you're a Cylon or a Caprican or a Capricorn or from Planet Ten."

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She looked at Anders and drew in a deep breath. "You still love Cole after everything that has ever happened... you still love me after everything I've done to you... why would you think we'd feel any different about you -- especially when you have never done anything to hurt us?" She touched his face. "You're still Anders. Still the guy we love and part of this family. So you might be a Cylon, big deal. You're not evil, and if you're a Cylon, that's just an added part of you that we love -- and more energy to keep up with Cole and the twins when they get here." She shook her head. "We still have faith and belief in the man you are."

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"I'm just -- getting used to being something that isn't what I thought I was for almost twenty-nine years, if it even really has been that long, it's not gonna be easy. It all sort of has me reeling." Sam squeezed her hand and laid his other hand over Cole's. "That other life . . . gods."

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"Married to someone else," Cole grumbled, focusing on the important things as always.

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Phoebe bit her lip, as she had tried not thinking about that part.

"You are who you want to be, Anders. For the last several years, you've still been Samuel Anders."

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"I'll be the man I want to be until the day I die," Sam said forcefully. He chuckled sardonically and added, "D'you know, she didn't treat me that great."

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"Then she's an idiot," Cole said gruffly. "Didn't deserve you."

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"Told me she'd put a bullet between my eyes if she ever found out I was a Cylon," Sam added. "I . . . can't tell if it was a joke or not, but I know she cheated on me."

He tugged lightly at both of them. "Know you wouldn't do that."

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Phoebe stiffened. "I'd kill her for even saying that." She shook her head. "We'd never cheat on you."

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"That's what could've been, this is what is," Cole said. "Because you stayed here, with us."

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Sam tightened his hold on them. "And I am so frakking glad I did. Don't ever want to be that guy, and I know you won't let me."

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She shook her head slowly. "Anders, it's not just us that wouldn't let you be like that. You would never let yourself be that guy." She was thinking a lot of different things, but right now she was trying to show him that he was a wonderful person without them making him one.

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