The Attic, 44 Blueberry Hill, Thursday Afternoon

[sleepswthdemons]

Phoebe had been sitting on the window seat, deep in thought for most of the day. She had the window open, and yes, she was smoking. She was watching the smoke float out the window as she tried to gather everything together in her mind.

Of course, anyone who knew her would have a good idea of what she was in thought about.

Cole.

She could tell he was still a little hesitant with her and Anders when it came to anything more than a kiss or and hug here and there. She didn't want to push him for more because she knew he had been tortured and... and after how she and she and Anders were used to hurt him he may be afraid of letting them... her... too close. She also got the feeling that he was holding back and she didn't know exactly why.

However, she had an idea how she could find out.

The soul bond was still there between her and Cole -- even if it was weak and sometimes felt that it was torn. She could still get through to him... get him to feel what she was feeling for him. She knew that if she could get him to be alone with her and just talk -- or let her just sit with him -- she could find out the best way to help him see that he was wanted. That he was also wanted.

And, if she was going to come up with a spell to link all three of them... she needed some time alone with Cole and get him to trust her enough to let her feel his soul and work magic on him for this.

She needed to talk to Anders and tell him what she was planning to do.

If anyone could get Cole to see what she and Anders felt for him... she could.

That would be why she was waiting for Anders up here and smoking.


[[OOC: For beenthroughthat]]

Comments

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"Started without me?" Sam asked lightly, his arrival accompanied by the rhythmic tapping of a fresh pack of cigarettes against the palm of his hand. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

Phoebe turned her head when she heard him come in. "Sorry, sweetie. I guess that there's just a lot on my mind and the smoking helps my nerves." She exhaled. "Cole."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"No need to apologize." Sam sat down opposite her on the window seat and reached out to brush his fingertips against her knee. "You worried as I am about how -- and I never thought I'd use this word about him -- shy he's been with us?"

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

Phoebe nodded. "It's not like him and... I think he's... I'm worried that he's afraid of us hurting him." She swallowed. "I never thought I'd see the day where he was afraid of me."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," Sam said quietly. "I talked to him about that a little bit, yesterday. And while it really is kind of cute that he ducks his head and gets all shy, it hurts to see him like this. He said he keeps seeing it in his head, what he did to us."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

Phoebe swallowed, and then took a drag off of her cigarette.

"It hurts like hell to see him so unsure of himself when he's with us. He sleeps in the bed and lets us hold him but..." She let out a puff of smoke. "Anders... what do you see in your head when he's with us?"

The tone of her voice said his answer was vitally important to her right now.

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

He tilted his head as he looked at her, and lit up a cigarette as he considered his response carefully.

"I see . . ." he began thoughtfully. "I see him hurting, and scared of hurting us. I can tell in his body language. He's so tentative, like he's still not sure he belongs. And I remember how confident he used to be, and I miss that, and I want it back."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

Phoebe finished her cigarette and lit up another as he talked. She nodded, looking relieved. "He's more afraid of all of this than we are. It's like he's expecting us to change our minds... to turn our backs on him for real."

She took a drag off her cigarette.

"I have an idea how I can get through to him... and let him know beyond a doubt how much we want him -- that we don't see those images that make him so hesitant when it comes to affection with us."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"I'm up for it," Sam said instantly, squeezing her knee. "Whatever it is, I'm up for it, babe. What've you got in mind?"

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

"I need him to be willing to be alone with me so I can talk to him... and work on the soulbond," she said quietly. "The bond is still there... but it's so faint and torn." She looked at him seriously. "If I can work with him to repair that, it will let him know that I'm not afraid of him. Once I do that, I can start weaving in the spell that I've been working on to bond the three of us together." She reached forward to squeeze his arm.

"I need a chance to talk to him alone... to get him to see that I'm not worried that there is going to be a repeat of what happened. He and I haven't talked alone about anything that has happened since I told him about losing the baby."

Her eyes were sad but firm. "And if you think that this is an excuse to get rid of you I am so going to kick your ass."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"You know me so well," Sam said with a light smile. He shifted closer to her, keeping one hand on her knee. "But I'm not worried about things like that any more. I'll give you all the alone time that you need, if it's going to help him."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

A lot of the tension seemed to seep out of her shoulders at that. She leaned forward, touching her forehead to his.

"Thank you. I'm glad that you don't have that fear any longer." She managed a smile. "I wasn't sure that I was going to have the energy to fix him and have to fix all three of us all over again and I didn't know how I was going to face all of that."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

Sam kissed her nose lightly and pulled back to look into her eyes. "Besides, I've got a motorcycle that needs fixing, now that I got my sparkplugs back. You help Cole ease back into this relationship, I get the bike fixed, and we're all on our way to things being how they should be again."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

Phoebe hugged him, making sure her cigarette was in no danger of burning him.

"He's going to be alright," she assured him. "He'll be alright and we'll al be okay again. I'll get him to see how much he's loved and wanted and will ease him back into being with us and being loved again. I miss that confident, possessively loving look he always got when he had us with him."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"I loved that look," Sam said, his voice going a bit husky. "I miss it. I want that back. I want him back. And you can do this, babe, I know you can."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

"The look that said he'd take on anything as long as we were at his side and he had us to love." Her voice was tear-filled. "I'll get him back, Anders. I promise, I'll get him back."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"I know you will." Sam touched a finger to her lips. "I believe in you, Phoebe."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

Phoebe nodded. "It does mean alot that you have the faith in me that I can do this, Anders."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"You've never let me down yet," Sam said. "And you're not going to now, either."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

She smiled and then pulled back slowly. "I should go find him while I'm still feeling confident I can do this."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"That's my girl," Sam said gently. "I'll be outside, working on the bike, if you need me for anything. Just let me know when it's okay to come back up to the room, huh?"

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

Phoebe nodded. "Don't go too far from the house? They still haven't caught those demon things that attacked you."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

Sam kissed her once more and stood, but gave her an odd look. "No further than the driveway, I promise, but . . . they weren't demons, you know."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

Phoebe frowned. "What do you mean they weren't demons?"

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"They weren't," Sam insisted. "I told Cole the same thing, and he swears I said they were, but it was just kids playing a prank."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

Phoebe looked at him. "Anders... I patched you up when you got home. I know claw marks when I see them."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"Phoebe, this doesn't make any sense," Sam said, a suspicious look dawning in his eyes. "But it's not important right now. I'm okay; it's Cole we have to worry about."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

She bit back her retort. She felt something wrong here. Someone else had dismissed the attacks as kids and pranks...

"Just be careful and don't go far? Please humor me on this."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"I promise, sweetheart," Sam replied, holding a hand up. "No further than the driveway, I swear."

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

She nodded, putting out the cigarette.

"Thank you. Need you safe."

[beenthroughthat.livejournal.com]

"Need you safe too, love." Sam blew her a kiss and began heading toward the door. "Both of you. I'll be out front, 'kay?"

[sleepswthdemons.livejournal.com]

Phoebe smiled. "Alright."

She watched him go and then tok a steadying breath, before heading to find Cole. (http://holdingontolove.livejournal.com/4412.html)